What Lies Within

So much swimming…super itim na’y lalo pang umitim! Saya saya ng summer…. Natuto din akong maglangoy sa edad na 85! Yehey! So proud! Marunong na kong mag swimming! Chenes!

What a day yesterday! hehehe! Ulang-ulan pero lamyerda pa rin. Hubby-bi planned to take us to Branson, MO to spend the day off at Celebration City, but unfortunately, on the way- of almost driving half an hour or so, bigla nmang umulan, as in storm tlaga! Hahaha! However, we still headed to where we wanna go, at pagdating namin don, the rain stopped totally! Kaya lng all the operations  there were shut down… at least we know na where it’s at. Madali na pagbalik (sus!). All were planned well, nanood muna kami ng Die Hardest, then ready na for some fun…And oh! The movie was awesome! You need to see it! hehehe! Anyways, di nman nasayang kase we look around the City, it was really, really nice. According to my hubby-bi, the town grew big, it’s like everyday, nagtatayo sila ng mga buildings. Andaming sites to go to. Kumain na lng kami sa Red Lobs, satisfying nman, all are delish! Tapos uwi na ng bahay. Nakakapagod, ang haba ng biaje, shet!

I passed my driving test nga pala, AT LAST! Nakakatuwa nman ang feeling, para akong nakakuha ng perfect score sa exam nyehehe! Ayun, wala lng, nakaka-relax na… pwede ng maghanap ng trabaho at kumayod

Just seen Fantastic 4 last Saturday with Justiny. She’s been requesting to see it for 2 weeks now. Nakakatulig din. Ngaun, looking forward to see Transformers o kaya ung Die Hard by Bruce. Tell you what, I just failed my first Driving Test last Tuesday, I maybe taking it again this week. Nakakaasar, too tight ung officer, he won’t buy any excuses, or whatever! Basta sa knya, di ka pa handa hahaha! Pero okay lng un. Ganun e! Anyways, nakakalungkot today, i have own thoughts that sucks! Minsan di ko nman ma-speak out. Nakakainis lng minsan ung people you expect to understand more, un pa ung may mga punchline na nakakasakit. Hay, pikunin lng siguro ako (at some point!). But would you ignore it? People who knows you better more than anybody else sees the bad, sees nothing in you but.. you know, sees the old and they will try to bring you down. Sometimes they would try to add up to your lungkot…how frustrating! At ito pa ung mga times na your feeling’s like excited kase you’ve got mail or call…tapos you read or hear the other way around. Sana, di mo nlng binasa o sinagot ang tawag, no regrets, no hard feelings! Di ba sila dapat ung tipong will push you positively? People, since they know you more, will try to appreciate or will try to uplift you lalo na’t they have a clue about how you feel? Hay, ewan! Wala lng sa mood ang lola, rest nalng muna. Ciao!

Bakit ganito ang buhay mo? Parang di ka makaimik? Wala kang salita, wala kang marinig? Bakit? Ang akala mo ba ay walang makikinig? Feeling mo wala kang masandalan kahit gustung gusto mo ng sumabog…wala kang masabihan…kase baka di ka nila maintindihan? Wala kang makausap kundi sarili mo lang, pati blog na wala namang sense! Pero kaya ka ganito, gusto mo lng isulat ang thoughts mo. Nakakalungkot nman pala, ganyan  din ang iba. Makita mo nlng sarili mo na para kang trap, ayaw mong sabihin kase sisisihin ka lng, o kaya tatawanan o kaya makikinig mo lng ung : "i told you so!", o kaya nman pwede ka ring balewalain. Wala nman silang oras di ba? Lahat ng tao may problema, hindi lang ikaw. Lahat ng tao na naiisip mong tawagan o kausapin kaya, may sari-sarili ring buhay, hindi lang ikaw ang dapat pagkaabalahan. Girl, hindi lng ikaw ang ganyan. Kanino ka lilingon? Sa pamilya mo? Pero the way you see it namn, di rin posible ang nsa isip mo, kase wala ring makakahuli sa niloloob mo. Bakit ganun? Nahihirapan ka ba? Hindi ka nman miserable di ba? Kulang lang takbo ng buhay mo, pero marami namn ang masaya di ba? Kahit ang situation mo ay ganyan. Hayaan mo nlng kaya? Wag nlng sarili mo ang isipin mo, sila nman ang importante di ba? E di yan ang tama! Kahit kulang ka, kahit di masyadong happy ang feeling, wala nmang nakakapansin di ba? O hindi lang halata? O meron kaya? Minsan ba parang sawa ka na o hinahayaan mo nlng? Di ka nman agrabyado, pero gusto mo lang sa surface, ganon ba? Siguro akala mo, matutunan mo din lahat, akala mo siguro you’re tough enough, kala mo siguro e makakalimutan mo nlng ang past…Lola, sorry pero di ganun. Hindi lahat ng bagay will work your way. Anjan ka na, work it nlng kung ano’ng meron ngaun, di ka na pwdeng bumalik sa dati e! Life goes on. Ganun talaga, hindi palaging bata ka, teenager o adult! Di pwedeng palaging Highschool o College. Di  din pwedeng palaging working o single. Lahat magbabago, sabayan mo lng. Mami-miss mo lng ang lahat, pero un na un! Ang hirap nman ano? Ano nlng pinagkakaabalahan mo? Ito? Blog? Nsa libangan mo ikaw parati to kill time? Siguro nman nakakatulong un…Yaan mo, mababago din ang routine ng buhay mo, hindi pa lng kase ngaun, napaka-impatient mo siguro, hay naku! Hanap ka kase ng kaibigan mo. Alam ko marami, di ka lng siguro makapag-share kase alam mong mali ka rin, at imposible talaga na ika’y maintindihan. Mabuti nman sa’yo ang mga tao, siguro selfish ka lng, gusto mo ng itigil ang sakripisyo. Gusto mo lng sigurong ma-feel ung  pakiramdam na wala kang mapupuntahan pero masayang masaya ka nman…un ba? Ang tanga nman ng ganun. Parang ang sarap sumigaw di ba? Kulang talaga…nakakaiyak…bugbog na emotional state mo, sigh ka nlng ng malalim due to pagod kahit di ka namn tlagang pagod, tiis pero okay lng. Selfish ka nga lang siguro…naiisip mo lng ang sariling saya na gusto mong maramdaman ulit. Wag na un…Temporary lng nman un, alam mo un? Yeah! Madali lang sabihin, talagang mahirap gawin, i know! Pero, okay lng yan, at least, ikaw lang ang malungkot, ikaw lang ang nakakaramdam ng emptiness, pero ang mga taong nasa paligid mo—hindi. Hayaan mo na… Ipapaalam mo pa ba? Lilipas din yan, you’ll see. Miss mo lng siguro sila, bored ka lng siguro o kaya baka dadatnan ka na ng period mo kaya nag iiba na ang mood mo? Kung wala sa tingin mong makikinig sa’yo, kung wala kang masabihan ng mga naiisip mo, kausapin mo nlng ung alam mong tunay na anjan lng para sa’yo, pero di mo nakikita. I’m sure sasagutin ka, pero kelangang maramdaman mo nlng o makita kung kelan. Walang notice, alam mo nman  kung sino di ba?

Feels like everything (the way I see it) is murkily dark today. Sad, but I’m celebrating my 29^th year on a sad, frosty, and cold Sunday odd point in time. Pointless, even if I attempt to make sense of it. I don’t know… but, how can I be of high spirit? I have lots of commotions going on in my mind. I’m just horribly upset with myself, you know… There’s a lot more going on other than that. Oh, just unusual, very peculiar! What do you think should I do to let it just pass?

• Natter
• Write
• Go out
• A date with family
• Munch
• Some of the above

That’s about it!

Wala lng…tapos na christmas and new year, panibagong taon na ulit. Kahit pano kase, nakakalungkot, ambilis bilis ng panahon, buti nlng  nagbago na ihip ng hangin saken. Dati kase, kada tapos ng taon tapos andito na si january…i sigh!  Deep sigh! Alam nyo ung feeling na un ‘no? Un na un! Ung feeling na walang nangyayari, ung feeling na tumatanda na tau, lahat ng bagay di na gaya ng dati, lahat mga tao sa buhay natin, they come and go, umaalis, nawawala, o nagbabago  lang ng linya, at minsan hindi na tau part non..madalas pala!

HaaaY! 2007 na! Yehey! o Yehey? Pero whatever happens, let’s all be glad, thankful ba kase alam naman natin na kahit ano’ng meron tau, anuman pinagdadaanan  natin, ng pamilya o kaibigan…lahat un may kapalit. Lahat ng pasan natin, super hirap man o super easy, we deserve it, hindi as punishment o award kundi kase para makita natin ung pilit na pinapakita satin…hehehe! Ayan, corny na ba?

Anyways, welcome 2007!

I’m really excited for tomorrow, it’s gonna be Justine’s Christmas party at school! She’ll be performing in a play which is gonna be held tomorrow night and she’ll be one of the angels. I saw the play practise one time, and she really did a great job in the rehearsal. The play is not that really enticing nor inviting, but I know it’s gonna be good. My daughter’s gonna be in stage where everybody else will be watching, wouldn’t you be excited? haha! I am! It’s only today that we had her wings and a white costume or gown to go with her angel wings…it’s so cute! I really wanna see her up-front, so proud!

Her birthday’s on Dec. 30, 10 days more to be exact! But we’ll be celebrating it on the 23rd, this coming saturday. Gosh! I’m nervous, really! Funny, but yes I am! We’ll be doing it at Mc Donald’s in town. Her classmates and other friends are gonna be there…excited yet nervous! Be capturing every moment of these…

Had a great time yesterday. Russ, Justine and I went to a birthday party. Actually, it’s Russ’ grandson’s birthday party-Layton. He just turned 4. I know almost all the people that’s there kaya i enjoyed pretty much, hindi ako na-bore! I ate 3 slices of pizza when all else ate only a piece! Plus a slice of cake and a scoop of ice cream! Yun lang handa e! Pero i think that’s just the way how they handle parties like that birthday party…wala masyado food. It was celebrated at Fun City, and I know Justine had a good time playing around, games and everything! We stayed like an hour and a half, we can’t stay long. We drove there an hour and a half, too! It’s a long way from home. I appreciate Russ coming with us. Actually, he just made up his mind a little before 11am and the party starts at 2pm, and we need to leave around 1pm…o ‘di ba? He’s so busy kase with work. I was planning to go with my hubby’s step mom had my husband said no. But, plans changed which really favored me a lot! lol! Great time for me and my Justiny.

Xmas party na ng mga Noy-pi dito sa Green Forest, sa Dec. 2 na! Lapit na rin! I attended two parties last year, was my first time since kakarating lang namin ni Justine dito last 2005. It was fun yet boring pa rin, la kase ako masyado kakilala non, isa pa lang, ung neighbor kong si Chrisna. In a way kase i know parties hehe! Dami nmang foods, games and everything, pinaghandaan ba…Kaya lng, I’m sure mas enjoy ako kung at home ako..you know…with friends, alak, jokes and tawanan. E nung andun ako, nakaupo lang ako e! Patingin tingin, palingon lingon….baka may kakilala ako sakali… deep sigh na lng.

This is really a boring day for me. Been resting all day, feeling lazy, watching tv..that’s all I do. I’m entertaining myself by downloading those music played in dancing with the stars, it’s cool! Feels like i’m into ballroom dancing again (once i was, anyway). Final results is tonight, oh yeah! It’s on! I’d go for Emmitt Smith!

Oh well, this weather is really freezing my bleep up…I need a break (isn’t this enough break? funny).